Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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