Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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