Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
