Duck Duck Cougar?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
