why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
