if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
