would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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