There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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