Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
