Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
