my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
