i think my mom watched the whole time
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Do you have feelings for this penis?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
