Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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