sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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