His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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