the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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