i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Blood and glitter go together right?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
