I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
