i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
