no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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