Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
