In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
