there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
