the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
