I can tuck mytits in my pants
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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