I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
