Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
