Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
