I'm going to jail i love you
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
