i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
