I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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