Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
