i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
