i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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