I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
