I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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