Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
