yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
