This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
