I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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