dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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