Will you blow on my dice?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
