a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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