he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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