U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
