there's paper in my vomit.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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