you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
