Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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