we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
