stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
