the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
