omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
