Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
