3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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