I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I want to be your penis for a week.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
