I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
