Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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